Fun with Pictures

I'm having some fun with a new photo editing site. Can you tell?

This Journey

There's something about a specialist expressing concern that seems scarier, as opposed to a general practitioner. The specialist sees these cases day-in and day-out, this is a specialist's area of expertise, they know when to be worried. And as the specialist faced us on Tuesday morning, I felt my stomach drop out from underneath me.

We've been on this roller coaster for over 22 months now. As we reviewed Hudson's history, each question I answered brought to memory each time we proactively pursued a solution for Hudson's lack of growth.

His weight starting falling off his curve at six months, which coincidently is the same time he started crawling. Chalk it up to an active boy. His 9-month check-up came and went, and still Dr. Susie was not overly concerned. "He's an active little guy, isn't he?" We exchanged knowing smiles, after all, he'd just started walking a month earlier.

Then came the 1-year check-up and there was still not a significant growth. "I'm sending you to a nutritionist," Dr. Susie said. "I know you guys are doing the best you can, but let's see what recommendations the nutritionist can give you." We went and with each suggestion, I nodded in the affirmative, that yes, we're already doing that for his diet. We left with a longer list of high fat food items to add to our list and proceeded to follow a high-fat diet for the next nine months.

At Hudson's 21-month check-up, Dr. Susie frowned at the numbers on the scale. "Jenn," she said, "We need to be a little more aggressive with this." I hugged Hudson tighter to my chest. "I want to run a blood panel on him and rule out some things." I tousled his blond curls and nodded my agreement, not trusting myself to speak without crying. After the vials were drawn and his tears were dried, she clicked her pen closed and patted me on the shoulder. "We should have the results in a few days. In the mean time, let's start giving him two pediasures a day. Its an extra 500 calories and I have no doubt we'll see huge improvement."

Those were the longest two days of waiting. I battled against the thoughts that threatened to consume me, fears that something more serious was wrong. I shook as I hastily answered the first ring. Caroline, Dr. Susie's nurse chirped. "Everything looks great, Jenn. All the blood work came back normal." I sagged against the couch in relief.

Six more months continued, drinking two pediasures a day. Hudson a little more finicky regarding his food and choosing when/where/what he eats. I chalked it up to the age and was thankful that at least he was drinking his pediasures without a problem every day. Jon reassured me, family reassured me, friends, and even strangers reassured me. "He's just small, look at his mother." "He's so healthy and such a boy. Does he ever sit still?!" "Look at that arm! He's going to be in the major leagues someday." "He'll shoot up, I wouldn't worry about it." And I didn't.

Then I got a message, telling me I had to bring Hudson in for a weight check. And all the fears came flying back. I swallowed the panic as Hudson clung to me and cried when it was his turn to climb on the scale. Then I anxiously watched the numbers and knew we hadn't done enough. It was time for us to take him to the specialist.

On Tuesday it was deja vu all over again as Hudson climbed my body to get away from the big, bad scale. No amount of comfort or cajoling would allow Hudson to sit on the scale without crying. And when the nurse announced the number, my heart sank again. He'd lost another 5-7 ounces.

The specialist continued, talking about statistics and charts, his concern about Hudson's BMI, his doubt that hormones are to blame, he talked about absorption issues, the words "malnutrition" and "malnourished" were used. I sat there watching my Hudson "vroom-vroom" his car all over the examining table, seemingly unaware and unaffected by the conversation that was literally tearing his mom to pieces.

Two weeks we wait for the results. Two weeks of not knowing, of wondering, of worrying. And two weeks of praying. Praying for answers, praying for peace of mind, praying for strength. I could let this paralyze me. Heaven knows that in the past, its taken much less to bring me to a point of paralysis. Satan has already tried using the dark hours of early morning to bring me to tears over worry for Hudson. And I won't lie, I succumbed. But no more.

As a friend pointed out, this little boy was given to me for a reason. If for no other reason than to be his advocate, to be his protector, to be his comfort. We will find answers, we will get to the bottom of this, and we will come out stronger on the other end.

And between today and two weeks from now, I'll be treasuring our early morning cuddles before his sisters wake.

My Artistic Side is Showing

I did two new designs over the past couple of days.

Stephanie @ Life Together
Stephanie is one of Courtney's dearest friends from high school. They both married within a year of each other and are experiencing the blessings and pangs of the newlywed years together.

Rebecca @ Schug Bug Blessings
Rebecca and her husband, Pete, have been friends of ours since the first couples bible study years ago. They recently returned home from Asia.

I hope you ladies enjoy them; I know I had a blast working with you both!

Not the Answer I Expected

We had THE appointment with the pediatric endocronologist this morning. To understand my state of mind, you should know that this was merely a formality. An expert opinion to reassure us that Hudson merely comes from small genes and we shouldn't be concerned.

I was very unprepared for his concern regarding Hudson's size. Very.

First the good news. The doctor is fairly certain it is not a hormone issue. He is still running the bloodwork to be sure, but he's not worried about it.

He is fairly certain that it's a calorie issue. Either Hudson is a) not consuming enough calories for his activity level or b) his body is not processing the calories he is eating.

At this point, the doctor is completing his panel of blood tests, including celiac disease; we are being referred to a GI specialist; and Hudson gets a high-fat bedtime snack every night. (Its a tough job, but someone has to do it.)

We should have bloodwork results in 2 weeks and we'll keep you posted. Thanks everyone!

The post that is NOT titled "Random Stuff"

• As I write this, my dad is home trying to pass two kidney stones. He is incredibly doped up! It's not funny, but it is. Poor guy! He's supposed to be leaving for a climbing trip here pretty soon; hope those kidney stones pass in time.

• I hear that there's been a dry spell in Seattle lately; does anyone know if that's true? If so, we have plenty of rain/water down here in Colorado that we'd be happy to give back. This has been one of the craziest summers I've experienced.

• Reagan is officially sitting up! And so darn proud of herself too. You can just see the sparkle in her eyes every time she joins Devyn and Hudson on the floor. She's happy to be a part of the "big" kids.

• Quite frankly, I'm just sad at how fast her babyhood is moving past us.

• My sister, Courtney, finally decided to join the blogging world. I knew it was just a matter of time before she caved! I'm still working on Christine and Allison. Who knows? Maybe someday they'll be listed on my blog roll.

• Yes, I did design Courtney's blog too. I love doing it!

• Devyn has become my little water baby, in other word's she is part fish! In this post, I excitedly showed off our newest addition to our summer activities. And now I can't get her out of the darn thing! Morning, noon, and night - if I'd let her.

• The other day I glanced out of my bedroom window and saw her little bare bottom peeking at me from the pool. I had to bite my lip from laughing out loud and forced to come in and put on a swimsuit.

• Hudson on the other hand is still as cautious as ever. He won't go in the water until I force him in, and only then will he stay to play.

• Such a combination in my two eldest. Devyn, shy and timid as can be, yet is fearless and ready to try anything new. Hudson, on the other hand, is outgoing and friendly. A real flirt! But is so very cautious! He has to warm up to any new idea.

• I'm excited to see Reagan's personality come out and wonder what little nuances we'll learn about her.

• Why is it God uses complete strangers to remind us how very lucky and blessed we are? I met Tom this morning, he shuttled me back and forth from the dealership to my job today. A wonderfully nice man! I have a whole post brewing about our encounter today.

• I am happy to report that we are not moving!

• Oh, wait, didn't I mention that? Jon was debating a move that would take us to another part of the state. He was so serious, in fact, that he'd put some thought into the logistics of such a move. But in finding out it would cover one of the most dangerous mountain passes in Colorado, and that the cost of living was 40% more expensive, Jon decided that perhaps it wasn't a good idea at the moment.

• I am deliriously happy!

• I leave you with a recent picture of my littlest babe. Is she not just beautiful?!

A Must Read

My cousin, Daniel, wrote an amazing piece regarding Monday night's storm.  In my opinion, it is a must read.   I am posting this via email, so I'm not sure if the hyperlink will work.  Just in case, here is the actual link.  http://jbasedow4.wordpress.com/2009/06/23/the-gods-at-war/   I hope it speaks to you as much as it spoke to me.

Father's Day

I made a scrapbook for Jon for his Father's Day gift. I'm sure its the first of many scrapbooks to come. (Yes, Tina, I'm thoroughly addicted to digital scrapbooking now.)